Depression in christians.
I have no idea how depression works,
I have a mostly boyant personality.
My friend however, says she's a Christian, goes to church but seems in the wilderness..
Can anyone help me to understand her needs a bit better please?
I have a mostly boyant personality.
My friend however, says she's a Christian, goes to church but seems in the wilderness..
Can anyone help me to understand her needs a bit better please?
Views: 2
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Lisa J on -
Hello Cara! Love the gorgeous flowers in your profile picture...Father does such great work, doesn't He??
I'm afraid you are going to have to be a bit more specific in your question. Are you saying that your friend has told you she is suffering from depression? Or does she just appear to be depressed? As I'm sure you know, going to church doesn't make one "a Christian" :) What do you mean when you say "in the wilderness"? It is awesome that you care enough about her to ask this question....
I will certainly be happy to pray for her! Thanks for sharing...
In Christ,
Lisa
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Permalink Reply by Dena Brehm on -
I was diagnosed with clinical depression, and lived with it for about 30 years (in many treatment centers) ... it coexisted with the bulimia I also had. I was on nearly every anti-depressant known to man.
I understand depression.
I'm also free from depression.
Don't know if I can be of any help for you or your friend ... but let me know.
Shalom, Dena
"The unanswered questions aren't nearly as dangerous as the
unquestioned answers."
"We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking only to
learn that it is God shaking them." - Charles West
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Permalink Reply by JaJireh on -
I do not know the specifics of your friends' needs or concerns, but I will say this: the Lord will often lead us into "wilderness" places in our life to draw us to Himself. He uses difficult circumstances to move us to repentance; to seek Him first; to learn from Him; to expereince His provision and protection; the list goes on.
In other words, "wilderness" places are not necessarily a bad place to be. :)
More specific details would be helpful, but that is your choice, your friends' choice.
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Permalink Reply by Marion Clark Ingram on
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You are absolutely right. Therefore, more information is needed about this particular situation. Whatever the case, we can pray that the perfect and divine will of God be done.
JaJireh said:I do not know the specifics of your friends' needs or concerns, but I will say this: the Lord will often lead us into "wilderness" places in our life to draw us to Himself. He uses difficult circumstances to move us to repentance; to seek Him first; to learn from Him; to expereince His provision and protection; the list goes on.
In other words, "wilderness" places are not necessarily a bad place to be. :)
More specific details would be helpful, but that is your choice, your friends' choice.
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Permalink Reply by Cara on -
Marion Clark Ingram said:You are absolutely right. Therefore, more information is needed about this particular situation. Whatever the case, we can pray that the perfect and divine will of God be done.
JaJireh said:I do not know the specifics of your friends' needs or concerns, but I will say this: the Lord will often lead us into "wilderness" places in our life to draw us to Himself. He uses difficult circumstances to move us to repentance; to seek Him first; to learn from Him; to expereince His provision and protection; the list goes on.
In other words, "wilderness" places are not necessarily a bad place to be. :)
More specific details would be helpful, but that is your choice, your friends' choice.
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Permalink Reply by Cara on
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Ok,
My friend was at a fairly Strict church for about 17/18 years, went out with a fella from the church and got pregnant, the church strongly advised the guy marry the girl and so they married nearly 14 years ago, she was struggling with dept and the guy bailed her out thinking that was the answer for her, they had a beautiful little child, but he always talked her down, even in public and we all wondered how she put up with it, thinking she must be a very strong woman. He has an affair and the church aren't helpful with that not being able to give the couple proper counselling, she tries to arrange some somewhere else which is quashed by the church saying they will sort out something in-house which they don't have the correct people to do.
12 years down the line and again he is unfaithful with two more children later she has been taking tablets and hiding in dark places shutting the world out and getting into loads of debt for a couple of years, eventually she moves out taking the kids, She still having to have contact with the father of the children is still very wobbly and anything starts off the problem, even not being very well.
She goes through phases of being absolutely fine and then really dips and shuts out the world, no washed clothes, house like a tip and not controlling anything.
She's gone to another church and enrolled in (good works) I think to get some kind of respect as a woman,
she doen'nt read the Bible and I think is looking for an institution to fulfill what Jesus needs to be in her life.
Cara said:Marion Clark Ingram said:You are absolutely right. Therefore, more information is needed about this particular situation. Whatever the case, we can pray that the perfect and divine will of God be done.
JaJireh said:I do not know the specifics of your friends' needs or concerns, but I will say this: the Lord will often lead us into "wilderness" places in our life to draw us to Himself. He uses difficult circumstances to move us to repentance; to seek Him first; to learn from Him; to expereince His provision and protection; the list goes on.
In other words, "wilderness" places are not necessarily a bad place to be. :)
More specific details would be helpful, but that is your choice, your friends' choice.
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Permalink Reply by Nik P. on -
Your friend has definitely faced the trauma of being in relationship with others who hold authority over her life. She has been betrayed by her husband's unfaithfulness and the collusion of the church for not properly intervening. I'm counting up the losses in this story: the marriage she hoped for, the faithfulness promised, cutting her down in public, etc. etc. That is a big load of grief and I am not surprised at her expression of it. It takes a doc to determine if it's crossed over into depression, but it does sound like complicated grief at the least.
Christians are not immune to grief. In fact, by being called into loving relationship with each other, we are called into making attachments. The loss of those attachments lead to grief. However, God is with us in our garden of Gethsemane. Instead of focusing on how she can be a Christian in grief, I would focus on how WE can be Christians in grief with her.
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Permalink Reply by Maggie on -
Wow, it sounds like your friend has been through tremendous losses. To make matters worse those who ought of have been instruments of healing in her life instead were not able to be so. I don't say this with any judgment towards the church she was a part of. They very likely were doing what they thought was the right thing, but the result is that she has gone unheard and unseen.
I believe the best help you can be to your friend is to be a listening ear when she needs it. Try to enter her world. You can get some ideas from asking people who understand depression as you have done, but far more important is to come to the place where she will trust you enough to tell you what her inner world is like. Only then will you really be able to understand her. Ask her what it's like. When she begins to tell you don't say "I understand" or give advice. Resist the temptation to try to "fix it". Ironically, when I've been in a wilderness those who have insisted they understood exactly where I was coming from were the one's I could tell really did not understand, and those who admitted they didn't understand were the one's I felt most understood by... Funny how that works. Also, resist the temptation to give her advice. That is the thing that will shut her down quicker than anything else. Those who struggle with depression have usually wracked their brains trying to figure out what they can do to make it better.
What can you do instead? Reflect back to her what you hear she is saying her life is like, and then let her guide you. This takes humility. For instance, if someone tells me about a betrayal like marital unfaithfulness. I might say, "That sounds incredibly painful. What was that like for you?" Then I just let them talk. I ONLY do this as they trust me enough to open up, I do not force a confidence. It is amazing how much healing power is contained simply in extending the gift of empathy. Empathy should not be confused with sympathy. Sympathy says "You poor thing. What a rough life you've had." Empathy seeks to actually enter the others world a experience life through their eyes, all the while maintaining the humility to realize I can not fully understand what life is like in their skin.
Hope this helps.
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Permalink Reply by Dena Brehm on
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In addition to all these good suggestions, she can check out Theophostic prayer ministry ... it's a tool for mind-renewal, with Jesus revealing the lies we believe (those, and not our circumstances, cause our suffering -- when we have the truth, or God's perspective, we can be at peace no matter what happens).
www.theophostic.com
Just one of many available options -- but what God used to set me free of bulimia, depression, and gave me a new marriage (with the same guy).
Shalom, Dena
"The unanswered questions aren't nearly as dangerous as the
unquestioned answers."
"We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking only to
learn that it is God shaking them." - Charles West
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Thank you, Cara, for giving us greater insight into your friend's dilemma. Since God is her source, we can trust Him to lead her to the proper resources to facilitate her healing/deliverance through the suggestions and prayers offered here and from the intervention of informed and sincere friends like yourself.
We will continue to pray and stand in faith with her for total victory because John 8:36 reassures us that "If the Son therefore shall make you free ye shall be free indeed." We also have this reassurance from John 10:10, "The thief cometh not but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I (Jesus) am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly."
Please feel free to keep us updated. I believe that help is on the way.
Bless You,
Marion
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Permalink Reply by Dana Cashwell on -
I've been there. I am there. I've been depressed or working on my depression for 7 years and I can tell you, from your description she sounds depressed. This is going to sound odd but one of the things that helped me was a friend coming over and just helping me with stuff. We'd clean my whole house from top to bottom. Everybody else, my husband, children, parents, in-laws, other friends, told me to snap out of it or didn't understand how to help me. You can't just snap put of it. She came over and was Jesus to me. I saw the face of God every time I saw her. She didn't judge me. She didn't expect me to do more than I could. She didn't care if I bathed or had corn stuck to the walls. She just loved me like nobody else was. I will never forget her for that.
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Permalink Reply by Maggie on
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What a wonderful friend!
Dana Cashwell said:I've been there. I am there. I've been depressed or working on my depression for 7 years and I can tell you, from your description she sounds depressed. This is going to sound odd but one of the things that helped me was a friend coming over and just helping me with stuff. We'd clean my whole house from top to bottom. Everybody else, my husband, children, parents, in-laws, other friends, told me to snap out of it or didn't understand how to help me. You can't just snap put of it. She came over and was Jesus to me. I saw the face of God every time I saw her. She didn't judge me. She didn't expect me to do more than I could. She didn't care if I bathed or had corn stuck to the walls. She just loved me like nobody else was. I will never forget her for that.
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