Dealing with a child who has autism

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jim London on September 25, 2011 at 10:38pm

Tough situation, Cindy. What came to me fairly quickly is the question of whether there might be a couple of patient, mature folks who could meet with this mom in a flexible way, even over coffee for an hour whenever and wherever she can do it? What other support could she receive from the group to help her with a really challenging mothering life? What help can the group obtain to understand autism and perhaps become more effective as partners with her? Here's where a lot of those "one anothers" of scripture can be learned/expressed, even if challenging! 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Marshall Diakon on September 27, 2011 at 9:02pm

sister Mindy,

Although our thoughts of autism may often be toward the behavioral, a person with autistic facets may possess gifts, even spiritual, somewhat extraordinaire. Also, I've noticed how the geometry [arrangement of furnishings, seating, participation, lighting, etc.] of a gathering can make a significant difference to how the unusual fits. And, of course, autism (as other unusual things) is an invitation for all of us to become more aware/informed/prepared toward ideal, simple & creative ways to love & care for one another --- including the children.

Alzheimer's, as in a gathering I have been visiting of late, can also be challenging. Grandma's lost 95% touch with cognitive reality, and sometimes she makes loud noises/outbursts, and sometimes she gets up and engages a confused distraction during fellowship time. In her condition, she is actually teaching us together much for enduring, patient, responsive, self-less, "no nonsense" love. Her emotions are still intact (even heightened), and our thinking is being adjusted to include her (rather than sending 2 people to a back bedroom). Despite her mind having returned to what is like an early childhood expression, I thank God for arranging her presence in that home and in the simple gathering of saints. All that was really needed was for our hearts to come together in love.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Jenny Smith on October 1, 2011 at 5:23pm

HI Mindy,

My husband and I are foster carers and currenly have 8 children under 13 in our care longterm.

Some of these children present with very autistic traits (due to in-utero alcohol damage) and their behaviour can be quite challenging. When I belonged to the pentecostal church where I came to know the Lord, it was very hard at first with my kids. It took years of feeling judged and condemned before my church as a whole took hold of these children and loved them for themselves. Praise God for my special friends who stood beside my children and I during these times.

It can be very confronting when people are not used to these behaviours, but I truly believe that my children helped teach my fellowship what true agape love is about.

I would not hesitate to leave a meeting to supervise a child with special needs so that their parents (especially a single mum who has enough to deal with during the week) can soak in some of that Godly food that some of us are blessed enough to get regularly and take for granted.

Believe me, when you have difficult children you don't get a lot of time at home for prayer, reading, worship even fellowship.

I would perhaps get a few willing adults who could take it in turn to quitely go upstairs for maybe 15mins each so that everyone gets most of the meeting and the mum doesn't feel bad about her child being disruptive. I guarantee she already is aware of how the noise is affecting others.

If the mum is willing to try things, there are diets that can profoundly improve the behaviours of autistic children.

Titus encourages the older women to mentor the younger women. And the older men should be willing to help, particularly if this little fellow has no father figure in his life. Isn't this what the church is really all about? Not the feeding of ourselves but the honouring of one another above ourselves. Unconditionally.

Having children with special needs can also be a wonderful way to teach our own children tolerance, patience, gratitude among other things.

We should all pray for the healing of this little boy and that God uses this situation to take you all to a new level of His love.

In Christ.

Jenny.

 

 

 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Mindy Wood on October 1, 2011 at 8:52pm

These thoughts have been very helpful! A good reminder that the most important thing is to give and love. It's tough because the church is so new and planting this alongside my husband, I feel the need to be fully present. I will share these thoughts with the elders and see what they think. The other issue we have is kids coming without their parents and being destructive. One elder said we might need to tell the kids they can't come without their parent(s) but I'm concerned we'll lose our chances at reaching the parents (even with a good explanation such as being too many kids to a ratio of too few adults, legal issues, etc). Arg. I don't know. We're literally about 9 adults to 19 kids (aged 4-16)

 

 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Jim London on October 1, 2011 at 9:55pm

Mindy, we are all learning our way. And each situation varies. But, admittedly from a distance, I'm wondering whether these factors that feel "disruptive" or threatening may be opportunities to assess what you're about. Is there a flexibility, adaptability, paradigm-shifting push/nudge that needs to be recognized? Is it possible that opportunity may be begging for attention but those opportunities are being seen as intrusions because some of the past patterns of control/rigidity are still operative? Please accept this as sincere and charitable probing. It certainly isn't a judgemental heart speaking. God will disclose His mind if you together seek Him with openness.

Mindy Wood said:

These thoughts have been very helpful! A good reminder that the most important thing is to give and love. It's tough because the church is so new and planting this alongside my husband, I feel the need to be fully present. I will share these thoughts with the elders and see what they think. The other issue we have is kids coming without their parents and being destructive. One elder said we might need to tell the kids they can't come without their parent(s) but I'm concerned we'll lose our chances at reaching the parents (even with a good explanation such as being too many kids to a ratio of too few adults, legal issues, etc). Arg. I don't know. We're literally about 9 adults to 19 kids (aged 4-16)

 

 

• ▶ Reply

▶ Reply to Discussion