Help me Understand ~ Help Me to Hear Your Heart
(From a dear friend of mine...)
I invest the time to hear the hearts of people I love
The hearts I invest the time to hear become people I love
There are times when one cannot help overhearing a conversation. Two people in another section of the waiting room were discussing an urgent matter when I heard one of them say, “Help me understand…”.
Three words, “Help me understand…” became immediately imbedded in my being and over the years have been a great asset in resolving challenging situations and restoring relationships.
Some years later, in a moment of quiet reflection, the Holy Spirit sweetly added another dimension. “Chuck, from now on just gently ask, ‘Help me hear your heart.’ Once you hear their heart, understanding will come.”
An old proverb says
“Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life.”
The heart is the totality of our being. Dreams, memories, experiences, hopes, fears and much, much more. Our attitudes and responses towards life are based on what is stored up in our heart. Jesus said, “What comes out of the mouth is a reflection of what has been allowed into the heart.”
Why listen to another’s heart? Once we hear their heart we see them a different way. No more categories or stereotypes, labels or snap judgments. A person’s heart opens up the rest of his or her story, a story that usually reveals a different person from the one we’ve seen and judged up to this time.
Not listening to another’s heart has consequences. A heart not listened to becomes a wounded heart. If the wounded heart is not dealt with it becomes an angry heart. If the wounds and the anger are not dealt with it becomes a bitter and hardened heart, and the danger of that heart is that at some point it becomes destructive— of self, others, or both.
One heart and story beginning to unfold can become two hearts opening and unfolding to each other and as they do they move towards relationship, harmony and oneness. Each is no longer a category, problem or adversary; instead, they become companions on a journey to reconciliation and resolution. How many divorces, parent-child estrangements, job losses, discarded dreams, abandoned futures and other unfortunate situations might have been avoided if someone had asked, “Help me hear your heart.”
One heart we need to listen to is our own. An ancient prayer says, “Keep me from lying to myself.” No matter how hard we try we cannot shut out another’s heart without lying to our own heart. I once tried that as a lifestyle; believe me, there is no peace there. For me or the other person.
Moment by moment I have a choice. I can build walls to protect increasing levels of judgments and stereotypes, or with Christ as my center I can tenderly and compassionately ask in stressed and strained situations, “Help me to hear your heart”. My choice will determine how well I, and the other person, sleep tonight. It will determine the level of our inner peace tomorrow.
“Lord Jesus, help me to see what you are giving me today. Help me to hear the heart of every person and situation that comes my way. I know you are calling me to a higher road. And thank you, Jesus, for loving me so much that you not only want to hear my heart, you want my heart to be at one with your heart. Thank you, Jesus. Amen.
I invest the time to hear the hearts of people I love
The hearts I invest the time to hear become people I love
There are times when one cannot help overhearing a conversation. Two people in another section of the waiting room were discussing an urgent matter when I heard one of them say, “Help me understand…”.
Three words, “Help me understand…” became immediately imbedded in my being and over the years have been a great asset in resolving challenging situations and restoring relationships.
Some years later, in a moment of quiet reflection, the Holy Spirit sweetly added another dimension. “Chuck, from now on just gently ask, ‘Help me hear your heart.’ Once you hear their heart, understanding will come.”
An old proverb says
“Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life.”
The heart is the totality of our being. Dreams, memories, experiences, hopes, fears and much, much more. Our attitudes and responses towards life are based on what is stored up in our heart. Jesus said, “What comes out of the mouth is a reflection of what has been allowed into the heart.”
Why listen to another’s heart? Once we hear their heart we see them a different way. No more categories or stereotypes, labels or snap judgments. A person’s heart opens up the rest of his or her story, a story that usually reveals a different person from the one we’ve seen and judged up to this time.
Not listening to another’s heart has consequences. A heart not listened to becomes a wounded heart. If the wounded heart is not dealt with it becomes an angry heart. If the wounds and the anger are not dealt with it becomes a bitter and hardened heart, and the danger of that heart is that at some point it becomes destructive— of self, others, or both.
One heart and story beginning to unfold can become two hearts opening and unfolding to each other and as they do they move towards relationship, harmony and oneness. Each is no longer a category, problem or adversary; instead, they become companions on a journey to reconciliation and resolution. How many divorces, parent-child estrangements, job losses, discarded dreams, abandoned futures and other unfortunate situations might have been avoided if someone had asked, “Help me hear your heart.”
One heart we need to listen to is our own. An ancient prayer says, “Keep me from lying to myself.” No matter how hard we try we cannot shut out another’s heart without lying to our own heart. I once tried that as a lifestyle; believe me, there is no peace there. For me or the other person.
Moment by moment I have a choice. I can build walls to protect increasing levels of judgments and stereotypes, or with Christ as my center I can tenderly and compassionately ask in stressed and strained situations, “Help me to hear your heart”. My choice will determine how well I, and the other person, sleep tonight. It will determine the level of our inner peace tomorrow.
“Lord Jesus, help me to see what you are giving me today. Help me to hear the heart of every person and situation that comes my way. I know you are calling me to a higher road. And thank you, Jesus, for loving me so much that you not only want to hear my heart, you want my heart to be at one with your heart. Thank you, Jesus. Amen.
Views: 12
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Chris Sterling on -
I join you in this prayer - Amen
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Permalink Reply by Dena Brehm on -
Hi Al...
Yes, I believe context would be important ... hard to imagine encountering someone in the dogfood aisle of Wal-mart, grabbing them by the shoulders, looking intently into the eyes, and imploring, "Help me to hear your heart!"
;)
I could envision myself being escorted out of the store by security, or at least ushered to the pharmacy counter...!
No, instead, I'm thinking of it in terms of relating to one another. Far too often, it seems to me, we prefer to be right, to win, to "score a point" in a debate, rather than to truly encounter and understand another human being. We seem to see each other as potential adversaries, until it's proven (in our own minds), that we're safely in agreement on a majority (& preferably all) issues. We seem to mentally categorize each other in terms of "us" or "them", and to either include or exclude people based on those mental boxes.
We seem to have been trained (or is it a human propensity?), to divide far more easily than we unite.
I've long been guilty of this very thing -- and it grieves me...
I see it as a human thing, not just a Christian thing (though we Christians seem to have pefected it to a fine art form), this tendency to divide, rather than to seek understanding and unity.
What I'm wanting to do, what I'm encouraging others to consider, is to investigate how we do this ... to stop prior to immediately reacting according to our own predetermined judgments, and to pause long enough to SEE another human being, beloved by God, created in His image, standing before us (or writing on the other end of an Internet connection), and to ask God to enable us to see them through His eyes, rather than through our own limited and fallible lens.
It starts with a desire to see and hear their heart -- wanting unity more than I want to be proven right. Wanting relationship more than wanting to be right.
If we can put aside this learned or inherent tendency, and listen with our hearts ... it can make all the difference. If we can learn to connect, to hear and be heard at a heart level, and can allow God (the only One who is truly able) to sort out all the rights and wrongs in the nuances of our statements/thinking/beliefs, then we can learn to find true unity without the need to promote/protect unanimity.
One practical way to do so (& it helps to have a mediator), works well when there is a conflict (real or perceived) between two parties. One person can speak out their heart, their feelings ("I" statements of emotion/reaction, rather than "you" statements of accusation and blame), such as "I feel discounted, unheard, uncared for, because it seems you don't care about me when you ________." The other person then states back what they heard. The first person either clarifies, or acknowledges that they were heard correctly. Person A continues until they get it "all out," with Person B reflecting back each statement.
Then they swap -- Person B gets it "all out" with Person A reflecting back. This way, both are heard, and understood.
Then, if any sort of forgiveness needs to be asked for and extended, each can do so (often we don't realize how soomething we said/did hurt another -- asking forgiveness isn't about accepting blame, it's about acknowledging that we hurt someone -- we ask forgiveness for even inadvertently causing pain to another person).
Then, in that atmosphere of having been heard, understood, and having extended and received forgiveness, it's amazing how a resolution can be mutually derived. It's honestly startling how our attitudes and feelings toward another person can change when we have been heard and understood -- this goes to the deepest part of our longing.
Anyone who has worked through a marital argument, and came to truly hear the other's honest feelings and thoughts, knows how radical that can be. I've seen this done, beautifully and surprisingly, in all sorts of relationships. I've experienced reconciliation with those I prevsiously envisioned as my "enemies".
But there are many applications to this approach ... in general, I see it as a broad approach to life itself. A putting of myslf (my thoughts, my peferences, my judgments, my attitude) aside, and honoring another person -- meeting them where they are, and truly trying to understand who they are, and where they're coming from -- rather than trying to make them (mentally) fit in my own limited (& limiting) understanding.
Don't know if I cleared or muddied the waters, LOL...!
Any other thoughts?
Has anyone experienced a seemingly dead-end conflict, and then either understood, or was understood by, the other person, and thus experienced a shifting resolution to the relationship...?
Shalom, Dena
Al Silvestri said:Hi Dena,
Your post is very kind and well laid out. It speaks of compassion.
"Help me to hear your heart", I think would not be a question a person would lead with, but would be a question asked within a conversation relating to an issue/topic being disucssed. Without a topic giving some direction to the question it is a bit too broad for discussion.
Might you be asking, "In what area would you like me to hear your heart?"
Hope this proves to be helpful for the discussion, though I don't have anything pressing I have to express presently. I think this discussion has great potential, and look forward to keeping up with it.
In Him,
Al
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Permalink Reply by Dena Brehm on
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Al wrote:
Often (though less than optimally often) I ask the Lord to let me look at people more deeply so that as He looks with compassion beyond the outward appearance and sees the heart I might be able see them through those eyes of compassion as well; for His glory and our collective good.
YES Al...! That's it -- that's what I pray, too. I ask Him to let me see people the way He does... to see their hearts...!
It's amazing when that happens ... my heart overflows for people when I let that happen ... I find it easy to smile at people, genuinely, and connect with them. I joked about the Wal-mart enounger, but I've connected with SO many folks in Wal-Mart, or Safeway, or in line at the bank, or walking down the sidewalk. So many folks are starved for that connection -- that human interaction, a smile, a hello, even a quick conversation ... or something deeper, if so led.
People are starved for a touch of life ... there's so much pain and misunderstanding out there... it can be overwhelming once you start to see it, to feel it.
Oh God, open our eyes...and our hearts, to those who are hurting around us ... in our world, in our communities, in our own homes ...
Shalom, Dena
"The unanswered questions aren't nearly as dangerous as the
unquestioned answers."
"We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking only to
learn that it is God shaking them." - Charles West
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Permalink Reply by Dena Brehm on
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BTW, Al ~ wonderful photo of you and your wife (assuming she's your wife -- if not, marry the woman, you look great together!).
Shalom, Dena
"The unanswered questions aren't nearly as dangerous as the
unquestioned answers."
"We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking only to
learn that it is God shaking them." - Charles West
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