Where Do We Go From Here?
Deciding to leave the institutional church (I.C.) this year has been a full-blown struggle. Originally, myself and the other members of our House Ekklesia came from all different backgrounds and met while bumbling around a local Vineyard church. We all eventually left this past year, all from "leadership" positions, all for various reasons. Initially, I think most of us were just trying to circle the wagons and lick our wounds. Most had already lived through one or two church splits and were trying to get out before having to go through another one. Some of us had been "born" in and thrived in private house meetings in the past, but they were always connected in some way, shape, or form to an I.C. So the truth is, this is the first free and clear non- I.C. involved movement any of us have ever been in.
That being said; some people wanted to begin looking for a new I.C. from which to have a "home-base" and community connection. Personally, I think it had to do with the desire for power, position, and recognition publicly seeing as we have no structured heiarchy in our House Ekklesia. Many people left, and dispersed to other churches. Some people wanted to start our own denomination, and still do. Some people are feeling disappointed in the result thus far, feeling cheated out of "getting drunk in the spirit" or thinking that more "spiritual" things were going to happen once out from under the shadow of and I.C. To date, we are like the Isrealites wandering in the desert trying to figure out if we should have even left Egypt in the first place.
Being the owner of the host home, many of the people in our group look to myself and my spouse for some form of leadership that we often feel we fall dreadfully short on. We try to constantly point people to Christ, but admitantly have to hold one or two hands of the less confident in the process. As the year has ended, I can't help but wonder -"What are we doing this for? What is the point anymore? Are we really being any better of a Christ-like example than the I.C.?" Though we know in our very souls that we cannot return to the endorsment of perverted doctrine and binding theology, we at the same time feel at a loss as to what we are supposed to do from here.
All I can think of is that we need Christ, I need Christ, through the Holy Spirit to posses our very mind, soul, and will and bend it to his. That he would search us and know any wrong way and correct us as a Loving Father does.
Does the pain and frustration ever ease? Our love for our Lord had never been greater, but what are we suppose to tell these people demanding answers and results? Oh, how the Lord must have wrestled with these same issues in his day, and still today.
I vent in the hope that others out there in the Body may have words to encourage, uplift, and/or edify.
That being said; some people wanted to begin looking for a new I.C. from which to have a "home-base" and community connection. Personally, I think it had to do with the desire for power, position, and recognition publicly seeing as we have no structured heiarchy in our House Ekklesia. Many people left, and dispersed to other churches. Some people wanted to start our own denomination, and still do. Some people are feeling disappointed in the result thus far, feeling cheated out of "getting drunk in the spirit" or thinking that more "spiritual" things were going to happen once out from under the shadow of and I.C. To date, we are like the Isrealites wandering in the desert trying to figure out if we should have even left Egypt in the first place.
Being the owner of the host home, many of the people in our group look to myself and my spouse for some form of leadership that we often feel we fall dreadfully short on. We try to constantly point people to Christ, but admitantly have to hold one or two hands of the less confident in the process. As the year has ended, I can't help but wonder -"What are we doing this for? What is the point anymore? Are we really being any better of a Christ-like example than the I.C.?" Though we know in our very souls that we cannot return to the endorsment of perverted doctrine and binding theology, we at the same time feel at a loss as to what we are supposed to do from here.
All I can think of is that we need Christ, I need Christ, through the Holy Spirit to posses our very mind, soul, and will and bend it to his. That he would search us and know any wrong way and correct us as a Loving Father does.
Does the pain and frustration ever ease? Our love for our Lord had never been greater, but what are we suppose to tell these people demanding answers and results? Oh, how the Lord must have wrestled with these same issues in his day, and still today.
I vent in the hope that others out there in the Body may have words to encourage, uplift, and/or edify.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Dena Brehm on -
I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through. I can relate to it.
I do, however, trust the One who called you out -- He doesn't start anything that He doesn't see through.
The wilderness is critical, and cannot be hurried. It's one thing to get us out of the institution -- it's another thing to get the institution out of us. It takes what it takes --and it almost always takes *far* longer than we can fathom... or want.
I don't pretend to know His specific plans for you -- but He does. You won't find a blueprint; there's no "one right way" to do this. It's just a following of the One who is leading you. It won't be easy, or always clear, or always comfortable. But it will be GOOD, whether you see that at the moment, or only later, in hindsight.
Know this: He is far more about relationships than He is about ritutals or doctrine. And He will do whatever it takes, to bring you out of whatever is of man, and into what's of God. Keep your heart and mind open to Him ... He can be trusted.
Ask Him to show you what He has for you ... enjoy the relationships of those who want to get real with Him and with you. Most won't. Most will prefer the comfort and predictability of Egypt. Remember, most didn't go into the promised land ... and no one got there without going through an intense time in the wilderness.
You ARE in the right place, at the right time, learning & unlearning & relearning the right things. He knows what He's doing. He will unfold it before you, and He will show you the way.
You *can* trust Him.
Shalom, Dena
"The unanswered questions aren't nearly as dangerous as the unquestioned answers."
"We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking only to learn that it is God shaking them."
"Naked is having no clothes on. Nekkid is having no clothes on and being up to something."
"Our truth, when it becomes the ONLY truth, ceases to be truth."
"While we're not fearful of tasting new things, we don't necessarily swallow all that we taste."
"When we know Him we are free to find Him wherever and in whatever He may be."
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Permalink Reply by Connie on -
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart. Lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct thy paths.
Praying for you...
connie
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Permalink Reply by The House eKKlesia on -
Thank you to everyone. It is always a serious blessing to hear from others. I spoke with a friend on this issue who pointed out to me that we (being those who seek Christ transparently and without the rituals of man-made doctrine) will never stop being persecuted, rejected, hated, and ridiculed in this process called life. If Christ suffered these things, then who are we to be above our teacher?
I guess that I am coming to learn that not only are true followers of Christ opposed by the world, but there are a good many times when we are opposed by "Christians" as well. This must truly be what Christ meant when he spoke of the days when child would turn against parent and brother against brother.
We live daily in the joy of knowing and fellowshipping in and of the Lord. My heart also rejoices at the day when we can finally drop all pretentions and dance before the Lord in heaven. (Cheesy sounding, I know! But true!).
Thanks again to everyone!
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Permalink Reply by Lois Pettit on -
Welcome, Fellow Pilgrim!
You will find many others who identify with your struggles. I came out of the IC before there were any support groups that had formed. ( If there were, I didn't know about them.) It was a very lonely time, but in all of that, there was a purpose, as I needed to be drawn to Christ Himself. My foundations had been so shaken, that I didn't feel at all spiritual. Maybe not even "saved". It's a hard feeling to describe as the Holy Spirit began stripping away all of the religiosity on which I had built my spiritual foundation. I didn't know how to do it "right". I didn't know how to go forward. I just knew I couldn't go back to where I had been. There was/is a website that I latched on to, ( www.watchman.net) that had things to read that were incredibly encouraging.
It's ok to take time to heal. It's ok to let those go who don't understand. The detox process can be painful, but as Dena said, the wilderness is part of the journey. Cling to the Lord Himself! I want him to strip everything that I think I need so He becomes ALL that I need. Blessings and prayer for you! Lois
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Permalink Reply by nannie on -
Thank you for opening your heart to us, please be sure that you are not alone in the struggle to find your way through the forest of questions surrounding what to 'do'.
There are 7 people in our gathering of the body, we meet in our home. My spouse and I do not take charge of our time together. I answer the door to welcome our friends and we have a beverage available.
No one is in charge, but one person is a good teacher and is extremely careful not to jump with comments or answer questions too quickly but gives everyone an opportunity to speak.
Maybe you need to remind the group who is control, and that it's not you.
It would be easy for those who attend to transfer their sense of wanting a 'leader' from the I.C. leadership to someone else... and it could be put on you.
The structure of the I.C. has it's comfort factor ,,, we know exactly what is expected of us, we attend, listen, work in the nursery or kitchen or on a board. We have rules of order and order of service. In our gatherings these things do not exist (at least not in the gathering I attend). I feel like my arms are flailing around looking for the grab bar of structure but those bars were very restricting!
Most of the time I think our group is 'going nowhere'... it's discouraging. We have been together for over 2 years, it takes a long time for the bindings of structure to be removed and for us to let our guard down with each other.
We must trust each other with our emotional pain, doubts, ideas, wonderings, even our stupid bad decisions in life, our heart. We have had no example on how to do this, we are cutting a path as Jesus Christ leads through this forest.
Jesus Christ must be our only leader and we must listen and respond. But it's going to take a while for this to transpire. I just ask God to keep us together and show us the way before we fall apart and miss it.
Let's not miss seeing Him.
Lord show us the way.
Jesus Christ is in charge and we are not.
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