Where is your spouse?

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Permalink Reply by Birgit on January 16, 2009 at 9:29am

My husband is on here, too, but I beat him to this post. He's the one who makes the real money in our family, while I do the majority of homeschooling and animal care and work around the house. Neither one of us are really computer or internet savvy. We only got highspeed internet about 3 months ago. He spends his time teaching history to college students, I spend a lot of my time outside, taking care of animals, gardening, taking my daughter places etc.
As far as posting, we haven't been on this forum long enough to say how we differ, but if real life is an indicator I would say we agree on the basics but weigh the importance of issues very differently sometimes so I think we'll end up in different places on this forum.
The updated version of this will come out as soon as Ray finds this. :)
Birgit

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Permalink Reply by Raymond on January 16, 2009 at 9:55am

Hi Nik,
This is a really interesting topic, thanks for starting it. Thus far Birgit has posted far more than I have, and I suspect the pattern will continue. In part this is because of our roles which she has described in her post; it may also have to do with styles of engagement. I tend to surf around the website and drop in from time to time on a blog or topic that seems especially interesting; she tends to be a little more intent on joining/creating a major discussion link. We do, however, discuss what we have read and written extensively off-line (that is, three feet over at our kitchen table). We just celebrated our 20th anniversary and have become pretty familiar (!) with where each other is coming from. I think we make an interesting "combo platter" -- Birgit grew up in the Catholic church and left it as a teen; I grew up in a non-Christian home and became a Christian in college, and joined the Catholics as an adult. Birgit has a strong dislike for liturgy and tradition, or at least is properly skeptical of why they are being maintained; I like both of the above. We found each other and common ground in a pentecostal college ministry I joined (and Birgit helped to start) while I was doing doctoral research in Germany. We almost both became Mennonites after we were married (didn't join because we had to move), and in the meantime have journeyed through several ICs, been part of a cell church, and are now on the journey to starting a simple church. We certainly don't agree on every issue but do share a common vision about what church can and should be, and core values that led us to be a homeschooling, Greenish, animal-rescuing, country music-listening, Obama-voting, simple-churching couple (but sad to say, I still monopolize the passion for history, football, and baseball). Put it this way -- we never run out of things to talk about. Since joining Simple Church.com these forums have become a staple of our daily discussions.
Hope this might be interesting enough to help keep the thread going.
- Ray

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Permalink Reply by Nik P. on January 16, 2009 at 12:55pm

Thanks

Ray- Oh, there were only more posts that referred to baseball, my husband would find this much more interesting than TV. ;) God Bless!

We moved from Chicago to Texas because he's a life-long Astros fan. (Cubs suck)

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Permalink Reply by Dena Brehm on January 16, 2009 at 7:35pm

We're side by side in issues ... though he comes there by reasoning, and I arrive intutively and then work with the mind to play catch-up. But, we're both in process, continuously, and hold what we see loosely, trusting that He keeps leading. So, why argue, even when we're seeing differently? It's not about the "arriving" for us, but the journey. I tend to do more edge-dancing, while he plays the part of my anchor (& the few times I've dragged us *both* over, we discovered that God has either caught us, or taught us how to fly...!).

I spend FAR more time than him online ... he makes the money, and travels 50% of the time. I unschool our 8 kids (well, one of them is doing it himself in college, the teens are using a bit of HS to supplement their adventures, and the younger 5 hang out with me, as my computer is in their playroom ... I type with all manner of knees, elbows and sticky cheeks between me and the keyboard, LOL!).

We learn together.

There have been rare times Mark joins me in a forum ... but he keeps up with what I share. I'll often forward things to him, to read for himself... but mostly from another forum (I'm involved, to varying degrees, with several).

Our friendships consist equally of invisible friiends, and face-to-face friends (some are both).

Shalom, Dena

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Permalink Reply by Nik P. on January 17, 2009 at 8:16am

Thank you to the folks who responded to my request to move the humor and keep this thread on track. To expand the idea, what about actual participation in your church life? Are either you or your spouse more engaged? How else is the husband's and wife's spirituality different? I noticed on Luke 10 that step 2 is to share with same-gender and I assume that is because of these gender differences in spirituality.

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Permalink Reply by Birgit on January 17, 2009 at 1:11pm

Just a short comment on the difference of men's and women's spirituality. While there may statistically be significant differences between men and women and one could argue different roles from scriptures I believe there are too many exceptions to the rules for generalisations to be useful. Gender roles have changed enough nowadays that both men and women have more freedom to break stereotypes and be themselves. Every time I have made assumptions about people's spirituality or their sprititual needs based on whether they are men or women I found I'm putting people in a box they may not want to be in.
Birgit

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Permalink Reply by Dena Brehm on January 17, 2009 at 4:52pm

My experience matches Birgit's.

Nik - what do you mean by gender-based spiritual differences? (I'd rather ask, than assume or misunderstand)

Shalom, Dena

Birgit said:

Just a short comment on the difference of men's and women's spirituality. While there may statistically be significant differences between men and women and one could argue different roles from scriptures I believe there are too many exceptions to the rules for generalisations to be useful. Gender roles have changed enough nowadays that both men and women have more freedom to break stereotypes and be themselves. Every time I have made assumptions about people's spirituality or their sprititual needs based on whether they are men or women I found I'm putting people in a box they may not want to be in.
Birgit

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Permalink Reply by Nik P. on January 17, 2009 at 6:16pm

Dena Brehm said:

Nik - what do you mean by gender-based spiritual differences? (I'd rather ask, than assume or misunderstand)

Thanks, this is based on working with male & female chaplains, as well as having a husband. I didn't mean the roles at all. Along a continuum of human spirituality being defined and compartmentalized vs. numinous and interwoven, I'm seeing men in general fall more towards the previous and women more towards the latter. Of course, there are always certain men who may be more holistic than certain women and vice-versa. I take this into account with my patients and their families. Women will want to gather and pray together. Men will want to pace and question the situation. Again- in general and certainly not for every person. So, where does your experience line-up with this?

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Permalink Reply by Dena Brehm on January 17, 2009 at 6:47pm

You mean, like "men are like waffles, and women are like spaghatti"? LOL!

Over-simplified, but having to do with that God-ordained brain-hemisphere-separation that happens inutero, with male babies, when they get that testosterone bath.

Yes, and of course, there's a spectrum -- some women are more focused, and some men can be more global.

I LOVE this video about this, done at a marriage seminar -- QUITE hysterical and true at the same time:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuMZ73mT5zM

enjoy!

Shalom, Dena

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Permalink Reply by Nik P. on January 17, 2009 at 10:47pm

OMG Dena-
That is us! ROFL Perfect video- I'm saving it for him when he wants to sit & do nothing. ;) LOL

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Permalink Reply by Dena Brehm on January 18, 2009 at 1:04am

Chaplain Nik said:

OMG Dena-
That is us! ROFL Perfect video- I'm saving it for him when he wants to sit & do nothing. ;) LOL

Isn't that a RIOT?!? I sat here laughing out loud, and causing the kids to come see what had me going!

I love the "nothing box" -- hysterical! And the female brain ... emotional charged intercrossed wires! YES!

(when he crossed himself, I guffawed!)

I love humor! particularly when it's about life-observations!

Ahhhh, my cheeks were hurting from laughing ... it's all good!

Shalom, Dena

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Permalink Reply by Nik P. on January 18, 2009 at 6:51pm

I was writing something that my husband was waiting for, so I had him go watch the video in the other room to give me time. I was still gathering notes, turning on a song, stuff that was emotionally zapping energy into what I was writing. When he came back, he looked mad that I wasn't sitting at the table writing, but asking him about notes from weeks ago. I just said, "But, I AM doing it. See this is here, & that there. . ." all while pointing to areas of my brain and making zapping sounds. "Did you expect me to find it all in one box?" What a hoot, and very helpful.

I got a bit of a theology answer from my hubby. He comes from "love your neighbor as you love yourself." His greatest Christian values are respect and dignity of humans. It does seems to fit in a nice box. :)

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