Deinstituionalization Part III - Bargaining

B Following the anger stage, we naturally move into Bargaining. After enduring the pain of the escape, there comes a sort of clarity that says, “Maybe church does work.” It is the same seduction of perceived comfort the Israelites expressed when they craved the leeks and garlic of Egypt. Life as an escapee is exhausting. We are constantly moving; we have to feed ourselves; no one tells us which way to go; it seems like we are living out the apostolic job description.

“For it seems to me that God has put us apostles on display at the end of the procession, like men condemned to die in the arena. We have been made a spectacle to the whole universe, to angels as well as to men. We are fools for Christ, but you are so wise in Christ! We are weak, but you are strong! You are honored, we are dishonored! To this very hour we go hungry and thirsty, we are in rags, we are brutally treated, we are homeless. We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; when we are slandered, we answer kindly. Up to this moment we have become the scum of the earth, the refuse of the world.” I Corinthians 4:9-13

During this step, some of our brethren return to the Egypt of the institution. We seldom discourage this effort since we make it a habit not to tell anyone what to do. Escapees are learning to exercise spiritual authority over themselves for the first time and it is ridiculous to usurp it like the system does, even if we think what they are doing is wrong. Some will go back to church to stay, living in a sort of permanent denial of their own creation. We have many close friends who have decided to return to “Egypt.” The development of their fledgling spiritual gifts is often arrested as they resign themselves to the barrenness of life within the institution. Denial reemerges in the form of, “We need the worship” or “This time we will do it right” or “We’re doing it for our children.” Others try to go back and are met with a rude awakening, only to once again to run screaming from the bondage. They sample the leeks and taste the garlic momentarily only to become disgusted with the compromise.

I am one of these.

After escaping church and the pastorate in 1994, I continued my recovery for a few years, meeting in homes and experiencing the power of God like never before. We broke up a traditional church into small groups meetings in homes. We trained the leaders as best we could, and then released them to do the works of service to which Father had called them. It was a smash hit for a while, but soon some of the Called Out Ones began craving the leeks and garlic of Egypt. They grumbled and complained and then went back to church. Most of us stayed on the journey toward the Promised Land unabated. However, over time, the enticement of the leeks overcame most of the leadership team and late in 1997, I agreed to start another traditional church. Our particular leeks and garlic consisted of children’s ministry, teen ministry, and corporate worship. At first, the Sunday morning meetings were
powerful. The momentary freedom we had experienced outside the institution carried over into the Sunday morning meetings and it was wonderful. But, organization soon followed, crushing the life out of us. It took me a few years to escape again. I ensured that the people who stayed behind were pastored like they desired, and this time my family and I left the institution quite alone.

We have never looked back.

The bargaining stage is inevitable. Be prepared for it and move through. If you do go back to your Egypt, good for you! If you resist it, press into the Holy Spirit and He will carry you through to your Promised Land.