Infertility and husband / wife roles
I came across THIS wonderful sermon by John Piper that has my mind sorting through what it means to be a biblical husband and wife when a couple is childless.
It is often difficult enough when a couple experiences infertility, but then salt is rubbed into the wounds when they look to their faith for help with coping and find that biblical husband / wife roles seem to be based on childbearing. There are scriptures that support the stay-at-home mom lifestyle, but at the core of it, wives naturally become mothers by God’s design. There is a natural division as the mother begins nurturing the infant and the father supports through shifting some duties off of her. Through this transition, the couple grows and develops into a family.
Though many people are quick to suggest adoption, this suggestion can be very painful to the couple. If they recently found out about their infertility, they are grieving the loss of every child that will never be born to them. After couples adjust to the news, those who wish to adopt will begin to seek out the process. The actual biblical model for barrenness is praying until God opens your womb. Every biblical instance of adoption comes from a child’s need to be taken into a family, not a wife’s need to fulfill her role as mother.
I like Piper's sermon because he preaches on singleness, which leads to childlessness. My life-verse is Isaiah 54, the song of the barren woman. I hear in that chapter how spiritual children in Christ are eternal relationships, unlike children who are flesh of your flesh. Piper preaches from Isaiah 53: 10, the suffering servant who sees his offspring in you when you make his life an offering for sin. Piper moves in the direction of our eternal purposes and how those are well-met by those who remain single for they are single-minded towards the Kingdom. In Isaiah 56:5, the eunuchs who please Him have a name better than having sons and daughters. We are to spread our tents wide for those we nourish into new life in Christ and feed them the milk of the Word until they are strong enough to eat meat and make disciples on their own.
I am beginning to get a glimmer that the infertile husband-and-wife may chose a biblical path other than adoption. Should the couple come together to build a family in Christ, they can make the same adjustments so that the wife can provide the relational and the husband provide the backbone. Through this transition, the husband and wife grow into their new roles as mothers and fathers in Christ, becoming a family in Christ.
Isa 54: 4
Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;
do not be discouraged, for you will not suffer disgrace;
for you will forget the shame of your youth,
and the disgrace of your widowhood you will remember no more.
It is often difficult enough when a couple experiences infertility, but then salt is rubbed into the wounds when they look to their faith for help with coping and find that biblical husband / wife roles seem to be based on childbearing. There are scriptures that support the stay-at-home mom lifestyle, but at the core of it, wives naturally become mothers by God’s design. There is a natural division as the mother begins nurturing the infant and the father supports through shifting some duties off of her. Through this transition, the couple grows and develops into a family.
Though many people are quick to suggest adoption, this suggestion can be very painful to the couple. If they recently found out about their infertility, they are grieving the loss of every child that will never be born to them. After couples adjust to the news, those who wish to adopt will begin to seek out the process. The actual biblical model for barrenness is praying until God opens your womb. Every biblical instance of adoption comes from a child’s need to be taken into a family, not a wife’s need to fulfill her role as mother.
I like Piper's sermon because he preaches on singleness, which leads to childlessness. My life-verse is Isaiah 54, the song of the barren woman. I hear in that chapter how spiritual children in Christ are eternal relationships, unlike children who are flesh of your flesh. Piper preaches from Isaiah 53: 10, the suffering servant who sees his offspring in you when you make his life an offering for sin. Piper moves in the direction of our eternal purposes and how those are well-met by those who remain single for they are single-minded towards the Kingdom. In Isaiah 56:5, the eunuchs who please Him have a name better than having sons and daughters. We are to spread our tents wide for those we nourish into new life in Christ and feed them the milk of the Word until they are strong enough to eat meat and make disciples on their own.
I am beginning to get a glimmer that the infertile husband-and-wife may chose a biblical path other than adoption. Should the couple come together to build a family in Christ, they can make the same adjustments so that the wife can provide the relational and the husband provide the backbone. Through this transition, the husband and wife grow into their new roles as mothers and fathers in Christ, becoming a family in Christ.
Isa 54: 4
Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;
do not be discouraged, for you will not suffer disgrace;
for you will forget the shame of your youth,
and the disgrace of your widowhood you will remember no more.
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Comment by John Paul Todd on March 9, 2009 at 8:12am
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Thank you for posting for all to see something of your inner beauty and how you wrestle with even the best of resources, always coming back to your heavenly Father, his Son, his kingdom, and his Word. As you know, this is an extremely complex issue in our society today and what we hear from the household of faith is not always comforting. I wanted to respond both to Isa. text and to a few things that immediately came to mind. But I'm afraid I might abuse the comment space. Instead I will think about this whole post off and on today. You have succeded in getting those who face this challenge in the Body of Christ on my radar screen and in my heart of hearts.
I will say this, the promised blessedness that Is.56 begins with sounds very much like the blessedness of Psalm 1 that introduces Psalter. From the perspective of the fulfillment of God's promises with the coming of Christ, all the blessedness is contained in our Lord's version, "seek ye first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things....". Piper's strong-suit is in always placing God himself at the center and our calling to glorify Him in all of life- insisting that "God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him". I think you said it very well when you said the biblical response is first to "cry out to the Lord, and seek an answer from Him" as Hannah did. God is pure goodness and He wants His people to know that more and more in every area of our lives. May the Father of lights bless you richly for ministering to us in this post.
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