Things I have Learned This Year

Seeing as how it's the New Year, I decided it was time to post a fresh new blog. 2008 is gone and 2009 is upon us. If anyone asked me I could not tell a lie, I am entirely too happy to see 2008 leave us, it was a year I would rather forget were it not for all the things that it has taught me. So, here is a snapshot of some of the things that I learned during the last 12-18 months. Hopefully you'll see the humor in all of this, I'm not talking about anyone in particular, but rather the experiences as a whole.

One of the greatest lessons that I have learned this year is the fact that the only one I can control and am responsible for is myself. I learned that if I have the right intentions when I do something then it is not my responsibility how someone else responds. There is a huge slice of freedom in this because when I was younger I was such a people pleaser. I just wanted everyone to like me, and I would bend over backwards for that purpose. Through many trials recently I learned that I can't make anyone like me, and if they accuse me of things, question my motives for good, and make up their own ideas about who and what I am, that's not my fault and God knows the truth. I have to say I love the idea of going through the rest of my life as a God pleaser and NOT a people pleaser!

Another cool thing I've learned and experienced this year is the joy and pain that comes from persecution. I know that persecution comes in many forms, from many places, and for many reasons, but they all result in trying to tear a person down for what they believe. The pain that I've felt is most caused when people you truly love cannot accept the fact that you may differ on where the Lord has taken you. Lack of understanding is the cruelest perpetrator in any relationship. When we are barred from expressing ourselves for who we are, and expected to tow the line according to someone's personal ideals there is a loss of relationship and many times a label placed upon you as "rebelious" or any other number of things. Yeah, this year has totally stunk in this area, but the joy comes from knowing that now I know what it is like to experience rejection just as my savior did. If I am accepted by everyone then I do not know what it is like to call it a joy to suffer for the sake of the cross. For this I am thankful, because it has given me so much growth and strength that would not be there otherwise.

I have made so many wonderful friends this year for whom I am overwhelmingly thankful. I also learned that the only true friends in life are the ones who love and encourage you for who God made you. You may not always agree on everything, but true friends realize that God meant it to be that way so we could learn from one another and "sharpen" each other in the word. Petty differences in doctrine ( the basic doctrines of the faith excluded ) do not constitute a reason to turn your backs on one another. True friends NEVER use you for what they can gain. They don't befriend you to fulfill some need in their lives or ministry, they don't use you to get a position or any other purpose in itself. They love you because God has brought you into each others lives and fellowship is one of His greatest gifts. Yeah, I love that, and I love the people He has brought into my life for this purpose!

I've learned that I can do stuff I never dreamed I could. I've learned to listen and respond to the voice of the Lord. I've stopped running around and trying to find God in the midst of my business, and I've rested in hearing His whisper. I've followed Him and learned that sometimes where He leads there is noone but me and Him. Those times are both exhilerating and frustrating. I've learned that His timing RARELY coincides with mine, and that's okay because if there's one thing I need to learn to have, it's patience. I've learned that I needed the most work of anyone. My pride, anger, and everything I thought I knew about God has been adjusted by walking through the fire. I've learned that if I do all things in Him, through Him, and by Him I will always find fruit in what I am doing. The moment I start to DO anything in my own power is the moment it all falls apart.

I also learned it isn't my job to "Fix" anyone. That is best left to the Holy Spirit. I've figured out that to identify a fellow believer it is always best to perceive the love and fruit in their lives. Not by where they go to church, what denomination they belong to, or who their friends are. I have never experienced so much hate from people claiming to be in Christ than I have this year. It grieves me, because we can and will have differences, but there is no place to personally attack another's faith and motives in a threatening and ungodly way. Now that I have experienced this, I am also thankful because I know Jesus was scorned and mocked. He has taught me to seperate myself from hateful people without hating them for it. It is the most difficult lesson in love, and I'm still not there, but I'm working on it.

The most important thing I want to take into this next year, if I could devote myself to one area, would be these lessons in love. Learning to love like Christ. Wow, that will take my whole lifetime and more I'm sure. I never want to use people, and I always want to judge my own heart where they are concerned. I may get angry, mess up, and stumble, but my heart's desire is for people to see Christ through the love He has given me for others.

I may not be your traditional christian woman, we don't attend a traditional institutionalized church every week, and I certainly break the typical homeschool mom model when I rock out with our band, but I hope all people see in me this year is love. Not what I do, but who I try to be. Not myself but Christ in me. Following my Lord whether day or night, spending the time in His presence solitarily so that when we come together with others in fellowship we are full of Him. I do pray for greater fellowship this year with the body of Christ. Personal, real, no rules allowed, relational times with His people. Nothing is more beautiful, nothing is more expressive of who He is. But first, He had to root out all the stuff in me that would hurt others, and rewire the way I look at people. He grew me in discernment, continues to answer my cry for wisdom and took me down a few notches in my own eyes. Yeah, I lost some trust in man this year (a LOT of trust) but I gained the world in trust in my God.